The Penguin
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Brian Richardson, Oct 31st, 2000, with apologies to Edgar Allan Poe
Version debugged by John Cowan
Once upon a Tuesday dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Installing from CD my Windows 98 once more,
While I cursed its constant crashing, with one fist I started bashing,
Started bashing my computer's case and CD-ROM drive door.
"What a piece of crap", I muttered, bashing on the D: drive door,
"I will take this crap no more!"
Ah! distinctly I remember, pricing PCs last December,
How the salesman said this software (new, improved) would crash no more,
Eagerly I wished to borrow pushpins to cause pain and sorrow
So that one day (say, tomorrow) I could go back to that store
For the chance to make that salesman sell this rotten crap no more,
Only this and nothing more.
So after wasting countless hours, I unplugged the mini-tower
My day looking very tragic like old verse of gothic lore,
But suddenly there came a tapping, rhythmic like the beats of rapping,
Or maybe more like flippers flapping, flapping at my own front door.
"That is very odd", I muttered, "it is nearly half past four."
"Who is knocking on my door?"
The door I opened, but I only saw a penguin standing lonely,
Standing with a bag of CD-ROMs before my dwelling's door.
First I thought it was delusion, for I was filled with great confusion
Over the presence of a flightless austral bird at my front door.
So I stood there looking quite the fool, my jaw down to the floor.
Then the bird said, "Pay no more!"
I thought to call the SPCA -- had it fled the zoo today?
But instead I looked the talking Eudyptula minor o'er.
He looked around, he looked at me -- he waddled straight to my PC.
I followed fast so I could see him place his disc in my drive's door,
Booted and began to load up software never seen before,
Then the bird said, "Pay no more!"
He brought me Linux to install, and said it rarely crashed at all.
Then he showed me his O'Reilly books while it installed some more.
The interface, it looked like UNIX -- cheaper much it was than QNX,
And in fact the code was open, source of bugs concealed no more.
Wondered I about the penguin's disc behind my CD door ...
And why the bird said "Pay no more!"
So I tried this installation, at first with fear and trepidation,
But soon found it far more stable than OSes used before.
Though the files had different places, I put Linux through its paces,
Very rarely made odd faces: no longer crashing as before,
For this Penguin let me do my work as never yet before.
Then the bird said, "Pay no more!"
So once upon a Sunday sunny, running Linux for no money,
With the CD-ROMs brought by the Penguin to my own front door,
Cursing my old installation, I reduced my life's frustration,
And with new determination yanked the software there before.
Now I read my books and Web sites to extend my freedom's core.
Quoth the Penguin: "Pay no more!"
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