Tak jsem zase nasbiral a jdem na to. :)
Inzerat: Pane Kajinku, jak jste to udelal? Copperfield
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Inzerat na Mirove: Zimmer frei. Kajinek
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Bavi se dva chlapci pred skolou:
"Poslechni, taky se doma pred obedem modlite ?"
"Ne, nase maminka umi varit "!"
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Ktery stav vede u muzu k impotenci ?
?????
Manzelstvi !
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Zastavi vlidny muz stoparku a pta se:
To se nebojite stopovat takhle sama?
Vite pane ono je lepai mit 15 centaku v sobe nez 15 kilaku pred sebou.
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V nemocnici u vrchni sestry zvoni telefon, ozve se muzsky hlas:
"Prosim vas sestricko, muzete mi rici, jak to vypada s panem Novakem?"
"Okamzik prosim..... a tady pan Novak, tak v pondeli mu budeme sundavat
sadru a pravdepodobne ve stredu uz bude moci jit domu. A kdo vola, prosim
vas?"
"Tady je Novak, vite zde v nemocnici mi nikdo nic nerekne !"
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- Mate moc pekne zuby, pani ucitelko!
Nova ucitelka se polichocene usmiva:
- To mam po me mamince.
- A pasovaly dobre?
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Proc jsi takovy naatvany?" - "Pul roku jsem chodil do jednoho kurzu. Myslel
jsem, le je to karate, ale dnes jsem sakra zjistil, le je to diskusni klub
pro hluchoneme!"
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EU - new language rulez
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English
will be the official language of the European Union rather than German,
which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the
British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become
known as .Euro-English' .
In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will
make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in
favour of 'k'. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have
one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the
horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is disgrasful and it should
go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th'
with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'.
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining
'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl vriten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in
ze forst plas.
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Erotika, to je umeni. Porno, to je zivot.
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Mul sa v noci zobudi a zacne chodit po izbe. Manlelka sa ho pyta, co mu je.
- Mam strasnu chut na sex.
- Som ti k dispozicii, drahy.
- Neboj, ja to rozchodim...
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- "Zima uz konci a mne zacinaji nejak vic vypadavat vlasy. Myslis, ze to bude
tim jarem?"
- "Pokud si ho patlas na hlavu, tak jo."
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V Moskve prijde pan do reznictvi: Mohli byste mi nakrajet 30 deka sunky?
- Samozrejme, ze mohli. Prineste, nakrajime!
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Prumerna rychlost turisty na trase je 4 km/hod.
Prumerna rychlost jeho manlelky v supermarketu = 3000,- Kc/hod.
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Bol raz jeden Europan na expedicii v Indii. Jedneho dna nasiel v tamojsom
lese malicke slonica, ktore hrozne skucalo, lebo sa mu do nohy zadrel velky
trn. Muz mu trn z paty vytiahol a slonika osetril. Preslo vela rokov. Muz na
prihodu uz skoro zabudol. Raz do ich mesta prisiel cirkus a on sa aj s
rodinou vybral na predstavenie. Bolo im tam velmi dobre. Prislo na rad
vystupenie slonov. Jeden zo slonov zrazu prestal posluchat a poodisiel k
rodine nasho hrdinu. Dlho sa na neho zahladel, potom ho uchopil chobotom
okolo pasa, zdvihol do vysky a z celej sily tresol o zem...
(...asi to bol iny slon)
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Novomanlel se rype v jidle a pta se: "lasko, to jidlo je zase z plechovky?"
A jeho blondata manlelka odpovida: "ano, byl na ni takovy krasny pejsanek a
napis Pro vaseho milacka..."
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On: "nepotkal jsem te uz nekde?"
Ona: "jo, proto tam uz nechodim..."
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Bavi se mladik s pritelem programatorem: "Tak jsem sbalil krasnou divku -
predstav si, 90-60-90..."
"No ne? Tmave fialovou?"
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A to je vse. Zase priste...
jimo:)
[ A project manager is a person who thinks
nine women can deliver a baby in one month. ]
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